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  •  讀書369 >> 名著茶館 >> 美文閱讀>>正文
    婚姻中的“我養你”,千萬別理解錯了

      1

      正在熱播的電視劇《我的前半生》,還沒等演多少劇情,女主角羅子君就被離婚,她和閨蜜唐晶哭訴:他說他養我一輩子的呀,叫我不要工作的……

      很多人都說,“我養你”,是最毒的情話。其實,根本是錯解了這句話。

      上個月,我友謝小姐和盧小姐發自拍,展示她們曼妙的身姿,惹我羨慕,問她們怎么做到的,她們說自己都有私人健身教練指導,才在身材這件事上,不走彎路。

      我當下決定也找一位私人健身教練,就和同事說了。同事給我介紹了她的朋友,一位開瑜伽館的女子。

      加上她微信后,我看了她朋友圈,好多照片都是工作照,有的在做瑜伽,有的在跳肚皮舞,有的在跳拉丁舞,簡直美呆。

      同事和我聊起她這位朋友。

      當年,她生完孩子去瘦身,竟然一下迷上了瑜伽和舞蹈,就想辭去工作,自己當健身老師。家里人都反對,說創業是一個人的夜路,非常難走,一個女人,放著安穩的工作不干,干嘛要自討苦吃?

      可她當時已熱愛健身成癡,任何人的勸告都聽不進去。她的丈夫說,你去做自己喜歡的事吧,我養你。

      有了丈夫的支持,她心無旁騖地投入到自己喜歡的事情中去了。

      當然,無論什么事,開始的時候都是需要投入,不可能馬上產出。幾年時間,她丈夫每月開了工資,自己就留下一千元零用,剩下的都交給妻子。

      如今,在丈夫的支持下,她的健身館已經開了好多家,事業做得風生水起。

      “我養你”這個“養”,根本不是淺層意義上的供養,更不是豢養,而是滋養。

      我負重前行,只為,讓你輕裝上陣,去實現自己的夢想。

      2

      大名鼎鼎的導演李安,就讓妻子“養過”七年。

      1984年,從紐約大學畢業后,李安夢想進入電影界開創事業。但這想法,對于一個沒有任何背景的華人來說談何容易。他開始了長達6年的“無所事事”,當時全家的吃喝用度全靠身為藥物研究員的妻子工作來支撐。

      在家的李安日復一日地重復著幾件事:閱讀、看片、寫劇本,做家務,買菜做飯帶孩子。

      每天傍晚做完晚飯后,他就和兒子坐在門口,一邊講故事給孩子聽,一邊等待妻子帶著生活費回家。

      有段時間,岳父母有些看不下去了,給他一筆錢,讓他拿去開個中餐館,也好養家糊口,但好強的妻子拒絕了,把錢還給了老人家。

      李安也不想看到妻子始終這么辛苦,便想出去打工掙錢。妻子對他說:“我們是夫妻,養你是我心甘情愿的,你要記得自己的夢想。”

      有了妻子這個堅強的后盾,李安便全身心投入到了創作中。1990年,李安經過6年的思考、沉淀、創作,終于完成了后來得到業界和觀眾推崇喜愛的喜劇劇本《推手》。該劇本獲得了臺灣優秀劇作獎,更讓他興奮的,是借此得到了執導這部影片的機會。

      用今天的話來說,李安一夜爆紅。接下來,又陸續導演了與《推手》并稱“父親三部曲”的《喜宴》、《飲食男女》。《喜宴》獲得了柏林電影節金熊獎、西雅圖電影節最佳導演獎。《飲食男女》更是獲得了奧斯卡最佳外語影片提名。

      李安終于在國際影壇贏得了自己的一席之地,他非常感激妻子。每次獲獎后,他都會將獎杯遞到妻子面前,鄭重地說:“這獎杯屬于你,謝謝你!”

      這樣的“養”,才是另一半的初衷。

      我養你,是讓你有時間在自己喜歡的事上精進自己,是為了讓你變成更好的你,而不是,讓你成天睡覺,逛商場,追劇,打麻將。

      3

      那天,看完幾集《我的前半生》,我在微信上和一位男性朋友談起全職太太這個話題,我問他怎么理解“我養你”這句話。

      他說,很多人,錯誤地定義了“全職太太”這個角色。

      全職太太,并不是在回到家里,再也不求上進,而是,夫妻雙方為了更有利的家庭建設,達成的一個分工協作的選擇。這個分工,就是男人負責養家,妻子負責持家,這樣更加有利于生活質量的總體提高。

      千萬不要小看全職太太這個職業,是需要不斷地學習,才能提升自己。

      像《我的前半生》中,羅子君的兒子問她什么叫角膜,她就鬧出了笑話,回答是腳膜。這樣的媽媽,怎能做到教子?還有,羅子君的老公不過也就是個打工的,她卻買八萬塊錢的定制皮鞋,日常的生活就是買買買,根本不懂得持家之道。

      所以,她在老公眼里就是:什么都不想干,也干不好。

      全職太太為全家洗衣做飯沒有錯,但不要把自己僅僅置于一個保姆的水平。

      《我的前半生》中,唐晶也說過這樣的話:兩個人在一起,進步快的那個人,總會甩掉那個原地踏步的人,因為人的本能,都說希望能夠更多地探求生命,生活的外延和內涵。

      是的,如果男人一直發展,女人卻裹足不前,兩人之間的距離會越來越遠,婚姻很容易出現問題。

      好的愛人,不應只是深情凝望著對方,還要一齊看向未來。

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